Couples Counseling
in Arvada, CO
How Do We Get Back To Being The Happy Couple?
Couples say this to me all the time: “We used to be great together, now we can’t talk about anything! What happened to us?”
Relationships rarely fall apart overnight. Disconnection happens slowly, one misunderstanding at a time. Bad habits form, and small hurts pile up. Life is busier now, and parenting takes time and energy. Work follows you home. The relationship takes a back seat. Before long, you’re just getting through the day instead of enjoying life together. A seasoned couples therapist can help you talk through difficult subjects and provide you with tools to resolve issues when they arise in the future.
You might recognize one of the scenarios below:
Couples Who Avoid Conflict
Some couples don’t deal with disagreements; they avoid addressing issues. You tell yourself, “It’s easier if we just don’t talk about it.” When a problem feels too big or too complicated, you distract yourselves with everything else instead — work, kids, social life, hobbies, TV, alcohol, or mindless scrolling. You remember the last time you tried to bring this up, and it didn’t go well, and you don’t want to relive that argument!
Unfortunately, when you have unresolved marital problems, the rest of the relationship can start to suffer as well. You begin to feel more distant, and then passive-aggressive comments sneak in. You start keeping score. Sarcasm replaces kindness. You find yourself sharing frustrations with friends rather than talking to your partner. Intimacy becomes strained or awkward – there’s no passion anymore. Maybe you don’t argue, but there just isn’t that closeness anymore.
Avoiding conflict doesn’t save a relationship — it gradually erodes it.
People who avoid conflict may have fewer fights, but the damage runs deep. Over time, bitterness grows, and the relationship becomes colder. There are ways to work through this! Couples Counseling can help you develop valuable communication skills, open up safely about difficult issues, and learn to resolve disagreements.
High-Conflict Relationships
Many couples argue all the time – from small nitpicking to explosive battles. Snipping over who is going to do the dishes suddenly erupts into anger. Words get harsh quickly. Old problems resurface. You go back to rehashing hurtful things that were said in the past. Accusations, defensiveness, shouting, or tears — the cycle repeats itself.
Ongoing conflict creates underlying tension, and it doesn’t take much for things to boil over. When things get bad, the word divorce gets thrown again out like a bomb. You yell angry words that you’ll regret tomorrow. Someone storms out, slamming the door. Nothing gets resolved, resentment hangs on for years, and bitterness increases.
Later, there are apologies, explanations, or just attempts to brush it off. You grumble to yourself and blame the other person. Eventually, bickering becomes a daily occurrence. Sarcasm sneaks in. You joke about what you’re mad at, but it’s not funny. You rationalize that “marriage isn’t always easy,” but this has gotten too hard. You’re tired of feeling angry and sad. Nothing changes. It’s time to get help to stop this negative communication!
High-conflict relationships are not healthy! It doesn’t have to stay this way. Marriage Counseling will help you turn down the temperature, understand what’s really underneath the anger, and learn skills to talk through disagreements in a healthy way.
Have Any Questions About Couples Counseling? Contact Me.
Couples Counseling is Common!
Research shows that most couples wait six years after problems start before starting Couples Counseling. That’s years of growing apart, building resentment, and holding grudges. It’s not too late to heal your relationship. You can work through this with help from an experienced professional.
Almost half of all couples report seeking couples counseling at some point in their relationship! (1) It helps to have someone else in the room who understands and can be neutral. You may have started as the “perfect couple”, but life has its challenges! Don’t let normal issues tear your relationship apart. Marital counseling might be the best investment you can make for your future.
There Are Solutions
Whether your relationship feels distant and disconnected or full of anger and conflict, working with a couples therapist can help.
Couples counseling gives you the tools and support to:
- Communicate openly without fear or defensiveness
- Resolve long-standing issues and rebuild trust
- Manage conflict in healthy, productive ways
- Reconnect emotionally and physically
- Work through challenges around parenting, money, or intimacy
- Strengthen your partnership for the long term
Having an experienced couples therapist in the room changes everything. I help couples talk through issues that have never been fully addressed — whether that’s communication problems, money, intimacy, emotional distance, or infidelity.
I use a combination of approaches with couples. We may use Gottman methods, Family Systems, behavioral techniques, communication skills, attachment theory, and even sometimes cognitive therapy. I will tailor couples counseling to your needs and relationship dynamics. I have been providing couples counseling for almost thirty years. Couples who are willing to do the work can get through nearly anything.
Start working as a team again! You can create the relationship you both deserve.
It’s Normal to Have Questions About Working With A Couples Therapist…
Every time we try to talk, it turns into a blow-up. Isn't couples counseling going to make it worse?
Having an experienced marriage counselor in the room with you can make a difference. We will work on learning communication skills and help you learn to listen to each other. I will moderate discussions and help you learn healthy strategies for expressing feelings so that conflicts do not escalate.
Our last couple's therapist took sides and I felt blamed for everything. Why should I try this again?
I encourage both partners to take responsibility for their own actions. When both partners are accountable, this helps regain trust and strengthens your relationship. Most of the time, (except in situations of abuse) both people in a relationship have some responsibility for problems that have occurred. The focus of couples therapy is not to focus on blame or dwell on the past, but learning healthy ways to communicate and interact with each other to create a healthy relationship going forward.
We want this to get better, but we aren't sure it's worth the money.
It is helpful to think about couples counseling as an investment. What would your next vacation be like if you two aren’t squabbling the whole time? How much happier will your kids be if there is no tension at the dinner table night after night? How much money can you save if you can agree on financial goals? What is the value of genuinely looking forward to seeing each other at the end of the day?
Importantly, you are also paying for the experience of the therapist. Experienced therapists are more efficient and effective. I have worked with couples for almost three decades. I can help you identify the real causes of conflict more quickly, and help you heal your relationship for the long term.
Do you work with non-traditional couples?
I provide marriage counseling, but also work with many different types of relationships. This includes: pre-marital counseling, divorcing couples, LGBTQ couples, and non-married relationships. I work with divorced couples who want to improve their co-parenting. I also have experience working with non-monogamous/polyamorous relationships.
Call Today to Start Couples Counseling!
Most couples wait years to schedule a therapy appointment. It’s time to take action and stop the hurting! Rebuild your relationship and make life easier. Call today to schedule a free 20 minute phone consultation. I can answer questions and help you both know what to expect.
(1) Lebow J, Snyder DK. Couple therapy in the 2020s: Current status and emerging developments. Fam Process. 2022 Dec;61(4):1359-1385. doi: 10.1111/famp.12824. Epub 2022 Sep 29. PMID: 36175119; PMCID: PMC10087549.
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