Always In Trouble 

Men often struggle to understand what is happening in their relationship. You may feel you are always “in trouble”. You have no idea what she’s talking about. She said she wanted one thing, now today she’s mad that you aren’t doing something else. Somehow you are just supposed to know what she wants. Things can seem fine, she seems happy and then BAM she’s upset, no idea this was coming.  Trying to fix things, you try to help her see why she doesn’t need to be so upset – then she gets mad at you for that! Compared to your friends, you help out a ton around the house, but you’re still in trouble for not doing things “right”.  Work hard to try to make her happy and she never seems to appreciate it!

Not a Good Listener

Listening to her stories about work is exhausting. Most of the time it’s not even about work, it’s about some co-worker you are tired of hearing about.  Or stories about her mom or sister and you’ve heard this a thousand times. It’s unbearable to listen to the same old stories and hard to pretend you care. After a long day you just want to de-stress, and all this going on and on is almost too much to take. Then you get blamed for “never listening” to her and “not even caring” about what she’s going through. 

Easier Just to Avoid Her

So, you start to disconnect. Trying not to blow up like you used to, so you avoid serious conversations when at all possible. It’s better for her to be mad at you about not talking, than to have another argument for hours.  Sex? Well, seems like she enjoyed that years ago… Anyway, demoralizing getting shot down every time you try to initiate, so why even try? Easier just to go do something you enjoy, have a few beers with the guys or head back out to the garage and focus on something else.  Watch more sports and try to enjoy that. Working late again is always a good excuse.

Don’t be This Guy

If this is you, it doesn’t have to be this way!  Often men and women have different needs, and don’t communicate in the same way. You can learn to speak her language, and also help her understand what you need as well. You deserve to be happy too!  Don’t get stuck feeling it’s a “lose-lose”. Going to couples counseling, or individually by yourself, can help your relationship get a whole lot better. Don’t stay stuck thinking “we just don’t get each other”. Therapy can help you find the tools to get things running smoothly again.